Everything is going to be great...

The one thought that's racing through my mind now is I'm scared, I don't want to go through with this. I just want to go home. But its too late now. Tickets have been booked and money has been spent. What am I suppose to do? Bail out? I've got no pot of gold to be able to afford that.

Its not cool to chicken out of a trip to Amsterdam in the morning of departure. Its not cool to feel like you don't want to go anymore. But that's exactly how I feel. I just want to go home. I don't want to do any of the stupid awesome things that I planned for myself to do in summer. I just want to go home to the humid weather, my ugly big bed, parquet tiles and just home. I want to see my brother everyday, eat breakfast with my parents every morning and just be free. 

I'm afraid. Fear is a new emotion to me. Maybe its because I've never put myself out of my comfort zone, and so I'm confronting these feelings up front. Maybe its because as you grow older your eyes grow wiser and you will no longer be able to hide behind that thin veil of ignorance.

My little college room has grown into a second home. Probably the second most comfortable place I'll feel in the world. How many other rooms have taken its place and been replaced. 

Everything is going to be great. I will tell myself as long as I need to believe it, everything is going to be great. Even if I have to walk along the streets of Amsterdam alone, everything is going to be great.

Everything is going to be great...