It's not new year exactly just yet, but it sure is close by. I'm jumping ahead of time a little, even my reflections haven't been sorted out (I think I'm avoiding it really). I used to wait out for the date to start on whatever I intend to do - work, workout, resolutions. But I'm over with that. They usually never work and happen through a basis of aesthetics rather than real intentions. I'm not saying this time my plans and goals will stick through and see themselves out, but hopefully some of them can carry through.
Just in case I have been way too abstract, I'm writing out my new years resolutions. I know some see it as a complete waste of time since it has been showed that they usually last only through February at latest. But I've got a few minutes to spare, and I'd be thinking of things regardless, so why not put it on the black and white just to solidify things a little more?
I hope this year's resolutions will be more achievable and less abstract. I remember jotting down "being happy" as last year's. And while it is a great resolution, it is unachievable as a means in itself. I think I wrote it down because there was nothing much I really wanted to achieve. This time round, my thoughts are organised in more solid worldly steps - a good thing - so they're measurable, and observable (can you feel university academic life rubbing off on me?)
Without further ado, here goes. I want to
- Make/bake/cook something special every week. There're a ton of recipes out there I am dying to get my hands on, and so far all my experiences of making edible goodies are always accompanies with joy - when they work out. When they fail, I learn from my failures. But they're so much more mistakes out there that I have been avoiding, and thus successes as well. So here's to a new year hopefully filled with a lot of good food from my kitchen! (Meanwhile I am resisting the absurd temptation to purchase a Bodum hand mixer for myself)
- I want to get fit/lose weight/be healthy. For a little bit of back story to this, this have been a goal of mine for the longest of time. I've been slightly chubby ever since 15 and got bigger and bigger probably ballooning when I was 19. It's never gone completely out of hand but enough to make me feel very insecure and uncomfortable in my own skin. Last Easter term, I spent in Italy as an exchange student and managed to lose a ton of weight quite naturally (didn't check the scale, did workouts that I really enjoyed, ate wholesome food mostly due to a tight budget and the incredibly fresh produce that Tuscany allowed me!). It was the best I have felt in a long time. Unfortunately, I practically erased all the hard work over the summer when I went home and indulged too much and too frequently in all the goodness that I knew I would miss coming back to Durham. Once back, I tried very hard to once again gain a fitness regime, which did not turn out too successful. I'm hesitant to set a fixed number to this goal, but I think I am pass wishy washy statuses and have come to realise that solid goals are often more achievable than abstract ones. So here it is - hopefully 15 kgs by June. I must add that the number doesn't bother me much, but it could perhaps work as a guide to show me if I am progressing or going backwards. June is the month I will be graduating, no doubt when endless strings of photos would be taken. As much as I try to suppress narcissism, I want to be able to look back on them without shame.
- Read the bible. I grew up in a Christian family. I never read the bible. I've read one book of the bible for school, then I quit the subject altogether cause it was too hard. I can see a lot of maturity in myself just in looking at my resolutions. Again, I am addressing something I've never been able to do but have been intending to for quite a few years now. I finished the book of Mark just a few days ago, and that is only the start but it still counts as a first step. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, the saying goes. For measurable purposes (again), I'll set a goal of at least 10 books read by the end of the year. And I don't mean just skimming and scanning, I hope to do reflections, studying and everything else that is suppose to accompany bible reading.
- Send more snail mail. I was thinking of putting down something along the lines of being a better friend, staying in better contact with my friends etc. But like I said, too wishy washy. I enjoy writing, and especially enjoy writing to people. I have a couple of unsent letters and so perhaps combining writing and friendship is more doable for me. Perhaps it is the way for me to be able to keep in contact with my friends. I remember when I left home and was distanced from my friends for the first time, I wrote cards filled to the edges with words and never got back a reply. I was so disappointed. I love receiving mail too. But I'm older now, life doesn't always work out the way you want them to. And this is such a small issue. So for this year, I want to connect with my friends, actually stay in contact! I want them to know that my cold distance is due to my own inability to drop a casual hello through facebook because I overthink and I just can't. I want them to know that I do think of them, and that I do so rather frequently. That they make such an important part of my life. So for all the unsent letters that I have perhaps threw away into non existential abyss, I hope to write and send more to the people I truly care about.
- Travel to France. I'm not taking for granted the blessings I have, but I know that it is almost inevitable that I will be travelling in the next year (could be my last time freely hopping around this continent as well). I've been meaning to go to France, and I feel it is somewhat of a must see. So I'm putting it down. Of all the resolutions, it is probably the toughest for me to achieve.
I was expecting a very short and succinct list of things I want to achieve. It has turned out to be one of the wordiest pieces I've written in a rather long time. I'm glad it is as it is, cause it shows that there is substance beneath the intentions, meaning I may be able to see them out. 2015 for me will be filled with great uncertainty. I can only see as far as June, for when I graduate. After, I have made no attempts to fill in plans (though I really should) therefore beyond lies a space of black, blank list of things to do. I'm pretty sad that my time as an undergraduate will end with this academic year. I don't doubt that it will be one of the best times of my life, filled with so much freedom, and free time. However, I don't believe that it is the best part of my life. I am confident that more good things will come. So though filled with dread to see this end, I'm altogether rather excited as well (though no action's been made! Where are my action plans?!). At times it is interesting to see my sturdy mind and romantic heart battle together.
I have this gut feeling that boredom will never be a trouble of mine, given that my mind whirls my body into a thousand different places, even when I am just in one physical place. My difficulty has always been companionship. I don't know how to be a friend and how to stay a friend. Life has a funny way of teaching us lessons, I am a curious learner and a semi good student (I used to be awesome, I don't think I am anymore sadly).
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| My life is in constant motion It stops and stares in intervals Greeting new friends and old ones every now and then But when the time comes, it leavee Goodbye Hello for another time, I won't forget you Goodbye, see you again |
Onwards and upwards.
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