Mid term crying crisis...

The amount of time I have spent in the Bill Bryson Library this past week alone, is more than my first two years as a student of Durham University. Looking back, my first two years was almost close to a joke. And that I was so lazy. Why was I so lazy?

These past few weeks have flew by too fast. For the first time ever in my life, I can proudly say that procrastination has not been something I have been plagued with. Yet still my deadline looms ahead, growing larger and larger by the minute, and I find myself in a precarious tipping point where I might just struggle to complete my big project. 

Each new week seems to throw a new stumbling block at me, playing with my mental sanity and roster of broken down goals to complete the entirety of the project. I cannot deal. 

I see it as my legacy of my three years, a culmination of what has made me, me, even beyond my university years, since the topic deals very much with things that are so pertinent in life back home. It is almost funny, how little my brain can function when I am not working, due to the amount of stress and continuous working hours I put in. Never ever have I ever done anything equal to this. 

And yet it may still not be enough! So I have to pray, because I know it is out of my control. I pray not to manipulate the outcome, I pray for grace to accept reality. I pray for strength to stay convicted. I pray for many things to keep my sanity in order.

Life has been pretty good to me. I have grown bigger, due to a lot of stress eating, and not enough exercising. Worst still is that the foods I gravitate to are incredibly high in their sugar content - my kryptonite. In other aspects, I still have not progressed anywhere in terms of planning my future after leaving university. Somehow, I manage to land the perfect part time job. One that I have been searching for, the entire time I've been here. In mashes the things I enjoy doing very much - writing, photography and videography. Under the student union, I am even paid to attend events! Though that certainly isnt the main focus, it is still a large perk. And so I give thanks.

I admit I still war on with myself in terms of my level of content. It is difficult for me to lower my expectations and accept reality, when for most of my life I have let my imaginations run as wild as the coldest wind. I'm still learning.