Stars...

Post Christmas sale is on big time here in England. Things are ridiculously affordable (I mean clothes when I say things) and I have been unable to control my urges. But let's leave that for another day. I've just got off the phone asking my dad if I could stay back a little longer for summer and go around Europe. The idea of it is filling my head with beautiful fantasies. But of course it requires a good deal of money and I was afraid of the disappointment in his voice that will come through as I also have to change my flights which might potentially cause a substantial amount of money as well. Surprisingly, he was incredibly encouraging and all for me going around and seeing the world.

How did I get so lucky?

There are times I believe that the love I get from my parents is so undeserving. I have done nothing to prove that I am worthy yet they continue to surprise me with how much they are willing to put up with to ensure my happiness. People ask me for examples but there have been countless and whenever I get to actually recalling true events of the nature I get very emotional. I guess what I'm trying to say is I am infinitely grateful.

I do so wished that I have an income to at least take some pressure of my parents. When I was in Australia I managed to pay for my trip from Brisbane to Melbourne all on my own. I bought my own flight tickets home and even paid for killer expensive test. Here I seem to have no luck finding a job. Of course I haven't exactly been knocking on everyone's door but its because I don't want to sacrifice study for temporary income. Funnily enough, its as if God deliberately put me in such a helpless state to let me see just how kind and generous my parents are. I've always known they love me to no end, but to really see that they're more than willing to let me do whatever I shall want makes me feel so inadequate. Yet ironically that is exactly what they don't want me to feel.

So I'll try to be as happy as possible. Because as much as grades and money can make you think you feel good, my parents don't give a shit about that. What they really want me to be is just purely and simply happy. I used to think that they wanted me to be the best, but I've come to realise that they'd throw that away if I wasn't happy. I'm touched. My parents are the best. 

I'll live my life as free as possible, and I promise to do my best. Because as much as I want to do it for myself, I really don't know what I want. And right now, all I want is for you to be happy and proud of me. So I'll try my best cause I know you've tried yours.

This is not your responsibility to worry about. It is ours...