Sometimes you feel it in your gut when you have let something pretty important out of your hands. But knowing that you could not have done better due to your inexperience and complete unfamiliarity to what you had to go through.
I was thrown into the situation clueless not knowing what and where to do all the things that needed to be done. What more, one of the member decided to forget to turn up for half the time leaving just the two of us to fend for ourselves. And so I did not have anyone to turn to.
It scares the shit out of me their angry faces waiting over the barrier as I stand in safety feeling too naked with my heart pounding praying that everything will go faster and smoother. And then the mistake that makes everything come to a halting stop making you know that this is not going to work out. You want it to but you know its unforgivable.
I now reek of beer and a sense of disappointment. But everything is alright. I told my mom the other day that sometimes you just are not ready for facing the immediate challenges. And although this opportunity will never resurface for me, I know that at least I tried and at least I was given some kind of consideration.
Onto the forthcoming challenges then... There will always be more.
Its heartbreak warfare...
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