In my first week with the organisation, four interns finished their contract leaving half of the pool behind to continue dredging it out day by day. I felt little then aside from the regret of not getting to know them better, we did not have enough time spent together for me to feel sad that I wasn't going see them anymore. Last week, another two left. This time, I had a solid five weeks and even some weekends together. I wondered to myself that evening why I was so sad when I didn't really know them. But it hit me, I've spent the past month and a bit sitting at the intern table with these people for 9 hours every single day. A lot can happen in five weeks and we all certainly had some ups and downs, we shared our beliefs and our thoughts and talked about everything else but work because when you're at work the last thing you want to think about is work. I've had more lunches with these interns than I've had with my parents back home, they became a real part of my daily life.
Its odd to think now that when I go back to the office, them two will not be there to give me a good early morning greeting. Worst still, I realise that I am the only intern left in the organisation. Thankfully there are other temporary staff but it's different. I'm technically alone.
Perhaps the most scariest thing I've learnt about myself is that I probably need to be my own boss in the future in order to survive the working world with my sanity intact. That's probably the last expression you'd expect anyone to say, but the truth is I need flexibility to exercise my capabilities in order to suit my ever changing moods. I am not a set colour, but a template of tones running through the motions. I feel differently about things according to how I feel. This is scary because I don't really know what I want to do, how can I be in charge of this unknown thing? Of course, knowing what to do is only the first step. Am I suited to lead and to rely on no one else but myself? To make the final call and decide the direction of my work head in? To have others dependent on the decisions and results that I make? These are all big responsibilities and questions that I hope I will be able to answer in time. Many people chide me fore being overly concerned about things "you're only a first year... you're only 20" they say. But it's in my nature to think things through like a 100 times.
Whatever it is, I'll keep my head down, my eyes wide open and ears even wider. That's just how I do things. I like to pass through invisible but knowing. I'll do my best and as I've always done in the past, I'll reach for the highest and expect the lowest. I will treat each experience as a lesson revealing to me more about life and about myself. I know I'm a person that cannot sit still. As much as I say that I'm a lazy pig, the truth is I seek out things to do like a dog on a sausage trail. This ride isn't easy and you know what? Maybe I am ready for it. I think I'm stronger than I know.
Perhaps the most scariest thing I've learnt about myself is that I probably need to be my own boss in the future in order to survive the working world with my sanity intact. That's probably the last expression you'd expect anyone to say, but the truth is I need flexibility to exercise my capabilities in order to suit my ever changing moods. I am not a set colour, but a template of tones running through the motions. I feel differently about things according to how I feel. This is scary because I don't really know what I want to do, how can I be in charge of this unknown thing? Of course, knowing what to do is only the first step. Am I suited to lead and to rely on no one else but myself? To make the final call and decide the direction of my work head in? To have others dependent on the decisions and results that I make? These are all big responsibilities and questions that I hope I will be able to answer in time. Many people chide me fore being overly concerned about things "you're only a first year... you're only 20" they say. But it's in my nature to think things through like a 100 times.
Whatever it is, I'll keep my head down, my eyes wide open and ears even wider. That's just how I do things. I like to pass through invisible but knowing. I'll do my best and as I've always done in the past, I'll reach for the highest and expect the lowest. I will treat each experience as a lesson revealing to me more about life and about myself. I know I'm a person that cannot sit still. As much as I say that I'm a lazy pig, the truth is I seek out things to do like a dog on a sausage trail. This ride isn't easy and you know what? Maybe I am ready for it. I think I'm stronger than I know.
No comments:
Post a Comment