Hello there.

I have a name and I am 22 years old. 

In fact, I just turned the other day and started working in a new place (on my birthday yes). 

If I handed over my resume to my 16 year old self, I'd probably said it was fake. Or that it cannot possibly be mine. I graduated with a degree that I didn't know about then, in a university I didn't know existed, and have filled up the remaining blank spaces with things I never thought I'd do. 

It's a good thing, yes. But to me, it's like I've lost sense of who I am. The very essence of my being is diluted with fragments of experiences such that I can no longer ever piece together a complete and whole version of me. And still I continue to wander aimlessly into the unknown wilderness, though I feel a strange pull coming from way back in my history.

Maybe I'm afraid. 

I'm sure I'm afraid. 

These days, I feel like disappearing to somewhere foreign and unknown. It doesn't even have to be new, I just don't want to know anybody. I want to be drowned in my loneliness, undisturbed my what people think. Somewhere I am so new and different that social norms will never conform, at least for me... 

God... what have I been doing all these years?