25...

I try avoiding cliches because it drives me sick to the bones. Call me judgmental, maybe that's exactly what I am. I tend to like to keep the important things close to my heart, I don't need to tell everyone everything.

But Christmas this year has been good once again. Such a frivolous person as myself shouldn't deserve so many blessings. I feel almost guilty of the love they show me, I am not the most deserving person. But I guess that's love. A miracle in its own right. And maybe they don't expect repayment and they don't expect me to keep count, but I'll work so hard hoping to be able to give back to them what they gave to me. I know money is not everything, but it isn't nothing either.

My room's a mess and most of the time my mind is too, but I'll try to weather the storm that seems to last for years. I'll put in all I have because I don't want to disappoint you. I can't afford the things you dearly wish for at this moment, be it material or emotional. Time and money constraints us. But I hope one day you can puff your chest out when you think of me. I hope one day I can bring you all around the world, and where you won't have to worry about a single thing. I hope one day I can buy you your dream car, your dream house. I'll work my hardest for you because I don't deserve the love you showed me. And the only way I can repay you is to show you that I am aware of it, and that I am grateful for it. So I'll push harder, make sacrifices, I won't disappoint.

I'll try to stay grounded in the midst of my empty dreams drifting around the clouds. I'll appreciate you for who you are and I'll love you just as you have me. And I'll make you proud, I won't disappoint.

Merry Christmas everybody...

Busy streets and busy lights...

Sometimes we make mistakes. Other times, we really make mistakes. We regret them but we cannot take them back. I'm pretty bad at controlling what comes out in words and so many times I wish I can take back the things I said and how I said them. But I can't, so I move on.

Sometimes you make a big decision not knowing how it would turn out. And when you revisit your life before the move, you realise you were so lucky and so blessed all along. I won't call it regret, I think I'm growing from the challenge. I'd call it longing.

I remember saying ignorance is bliss, and I truly believe in it. However ignorance doesn't last long for me. I scrounge and hunt down every piece of information and sometimes the knowledge overwhelms me. Every now and then I pray to God asking him to make all this tough times worth sticking through. Why bother when you can take the easy route? 

Much love...

Taylor Swift State of Grace