Just sing me a song...

Hello Internet world,

I have been very absent lately, but that's only because I have done literally nothing interesting enough to be counted as worthwhile. However, this past week was the start of my life changing. Its not anything drastic or anything, but I will have less of a life and more pains and bruises. Oh yes, training (rowing) four times a week in seven days every single God damn week to try to reach a level to break into senior level. It is going to hurt so much but its worth it isn't? Hopefully.

Time has seemed to pass slowly and rapidly all in the same. Birthdays, Bops and Beers have flown out the window yet the calendar tells me its only been two weeks since I came back. Its all relative I suppose (Einsteinism! Every once in a while, I wished I was a genius so I could study Physics.) And now Easter seems to be staring me right in the face yet its still a long 7 weeks to go. I haven't yet figured out how I shall pass my Easter alone but we'll leave it to then to solve that problem.

Last night I made the call that I have been putting off for weeks-I had my tickets home change. It will all be clear soon but again it really isn't anything drastically exciting, just me and some plans that may or may not transpire. Summer is going to be interesting, it is going to be wild, new and an adventure. It may also be a wish come true and a tick of the bucket list but then it may just become one of those things I tried and failed. But again, we'll see.

The new week has technically started and so has the new year. Maybe I am a little late getting myself hyped for a new start but its always better late than never and I am never one to push off optimism since it comes ever so rarely to me (I really don't think that's completely true). So here's to a whole new set of possibilities waiting to be experienced.

Much love...

Just sing me a song, I know all the words to, and I'll sing along

Could you be my saviour?

Boys like Girls-Someone Like you

Stars...

Post Christmas sale is on big time here in England. Things are ridiculously affordable (I mean clothes when I say things) and I have been unable to control my urges. But let's leave that for another day. I've just got off the phone asking my dad if I could stay back a little longer for summer and go around Europe. The idea of it is filling my head with beautiful fantasies. But of course it requires a good deal of money and I was afraid of the disappointment in his voice that will come through as I also have to change my flights which might potentially cause a substantial amount of money as well. Surprisingly, he was incredibly encouraging and all for me going around and seeing the world.

How did I get so lucky?

There are times I believe that the love I get from my parents is so undeserving. I have done nothing to prove that I am worthy yet they continue to surprise me with how much they are willing to put up with to ensure my happiness. People ask me for examples but there have been countless and whenever I get to actually recalling true events of the nature I get very emotional. I guess what I'm trying to say is I am infinitely grateful.

I do so wished that I have an income to at least take some pressure of my parents. When I was in Australia I managed to pay for my trip from Brisbane to Melbourne all on my own. I bought my own flight tickets home and even paid for killer expensive test. Here I seem to have no luck finding a job. Of course I haven't exactly been knocking on everyone's door but its because I don't want to sacrifice study for temporary income. Funnily enough, its as if God deliberately put me in such a helpless state to let me see just how kind and generous my parents are. I've always known they love me to no end, but to really see that they're more than willing to let me do whatever I shall want makes me feel so inadequate. Yet ironically that is exactly what they don't want me to feel.

So I'll try to be as happy as possible. Because as much as grades and money can make you think you feel good, my parents don't give a shit about that. What they really want me to be is just purely and simply happy. I used to think that they wanted me to be the best, but I've come to realise that they'd throw that away if I wasn't happy. I'm touched. My parents are the best. 

I'll live my life as free as possible, and I promise to do my best. Because as much as I want to do it for myself, I really don't know what I want. And right now, all I want is for you to be happy and proud of me. So I'll try my best cause I know you've tried yours.

This is not your responsibility to worry about. It is ours...

I don't know about you, but I'm feeling 22...

Enough with them sappy sad stories of how my life sucks. If you didn't pick that up, God I wish I were you. Anyway, I was just strolling down the streets back to college when I asked myself, why am I so down? I'm in bloody England. Sure its not perfect, but since when did perfection ever existed?

I'm so up for funny cynical me to come back and replace ever-moaning me. So I'm here at the moment. Yay. Hopefully it'll last longer than just a short while. Like maybe 2 months. Preferably more, but hey, I ain't gonna push things here.

So the reason I went to town was to get a few things, because I forgot to pick up all the things I needed yesterday. And which I also forgot to pick up one last thing, body wash. But don't worry, I still have that soapy foam left in my body wash bottle. You know how you add water then shake it real hard to save every drop of soap left? Yea, I still have that. 

This is what I went to town for-a bucket, Clarks protector and woollen socks. I got the bucket because I am essentially the cheapest person on the planet. See, it costs 3 pounds to do my laundry and since I never have enough clothes to fill the machine I refuse to pay those 3 pounds. Hence I went to the store and got myself a bucket so I can do my laundry every other night. Life, people, is not fair. Clarks is a shoe brand by the way, a pretty good one at that, and the only place I could find protector spray here. I need it for my boots, which I will show you in a later post. And finally, woolen socks, which is also for said boots.

My muscles are soar, a testimony to how much of a sloth I was during my entire winter break.

Much love...

Taylor Swift 22

PS I am not 22

Socks from Marks and Spencers.

Spray from Clarks.

Bucket from I don't the name of the store...

I can't sleep...

"Holy. Fucking. Shit."
"You're not allowed to bail out."

The long train rides and the long flights convinced me that I needed sleep as I stayed awake due to all sorts of interruptions you get on those things. Now that I'm in my bedroom, college bedroom, all showered up and clean, I just don't feel like sleeping. I can't sleep...

My Christmas break was horrible. It was like a war going on with myself. I was unsettled and unnerved, and worst of all I didn't know why or how to solve the problem. I figured maybe it was because I still had two terms to go. But now I'm back in Durham I feel like running as far away from it as possible. 

I think I have a problem. I think I cannot appreciate things until they're gone. More often then not, I choose for them to be over. 

Always scared and always lonely. Maybe all I've been doing is running away...

Much love...